I still hate Christmas, but Iam prepared to ignore it a little longer

That which I can not avoid...

is nearly upon me.

Did I write that?  It sounds so, perhaps victorian melodrama?   And yet, I just wasted about a half hour on eBay looking at things with Ravens on them, so, that just may be where Im at.

Since I last blogged, Ive had one good friend offer me a willing ear and some sensible suggestions on this issue.  That was really helpful, and went a long way toward calming me down.

But you know, I cant win. 

That may be the thing that stinks the most to me.  You know, nobody likes a game they can't win. 

I dont think there is anything constructive to be gained by going deep into the why that is - at least not at this late stage.  But I will put down some other thoughts that have been jogging in a big circuit around my brain, keeping me awake at night and generally making a nuisance of themselves...it wont be a complete set of thoughts, and it is in no particular order.  #just sayin'

CAUTION:
If you are sensitive about Christmas and do not want anything to challenge that...
DONT READ THIS!

Something may be missing in my 'value system'. 
Maybe Ive just been away from the surviving members of my 'family of origin' too long. (Migrant issue)
Maybe its just becauseof the sweltering heat, blazing sunshine and general loudness.
(As opposed the the chilly - hang out by the fire, short days/dark early and the hush of snowy rooftops.)
Anybody notice there is something obscenely self-aggradizing about showering people with gifts and wrappings and cards and  entertainments and mountains of food?
Everybody knows there are hungry and homeless people out there, right?  Quite possibly nearby too.
I see the why, I understand the desire...its just...it makes me uncomfortable.
We all have so much, and most of it we dont need at all, and will throw away in no time at all.
The lights are pretty.
Its nice to buy someone you love a present (especially if its a nice present, ie: not socks! LOL)
My mother LOVED Christmas.  She's been dead since 1993.
Anybody else notice the piles of discarded furniture and appliances outside homes starting about October?  (Why do so many people have to re-decorate before they can have their 'loved ones' over for lunch?)
Wrapping paper and cards - sure they are lovely - but - more dead trees...Can nothing escape this?
I get the feasting thing... I get that, thats ancient human stuff.  But, so often its too much.
And the expectations!  Aw geeze, they really make getting along with other people a tricky proposition.
Everyone should remember that I think packing a bag to spend a night away is more hassle than its worth.
And anyone who knows me, knows I dont like crowds.
So...really.....is it any wonder that I am not enjoying this the same way so many others do?
___________________________

Depending on what happens in the next few days, this may be the last of The Christmas Rant.

Untill next year................(((((Theme from Jaws)))))

Im not gonna edit this - goodnight!   Have Happy Holidays However You Like Them Everyone!

Will not be silent.

Dear Mother in Law - If you are reading today, I hope you will click away and skip this one. Be free of this. It will all work out in the end. xxx
_________________________________________

I had not a chance to respond to the text message attack. My life is very whirlwind right now, and when there is a hour or so to pursue "recreational interests", I frankly find myself collapsing instead.

I knew an apology would be forthcoming. How could it not? We had all been asked to attend this Christmas by Father in Law, as a special favour to him. He has had a rather bad year this year. (Mammoth understatment.)  And it aint over yet.

An apology came. Iam only going to talk about how I felt reading it. I was glad she apologized to my Husband.

But, I - by which I mean me, myself, personally - I do not accept apologies for harm deliberately inflicted.

If you read the message in question, you can see that it was meant to sting.  I dont think it was an "outburst".

By apologizing, she may just have been saying what she thinks she is required to say by family or society, (and being genuine has nothing to do with that!), but if so, more power to her. Because I cant bring myself to play that game anymore. (Which is how Ive landed knee-deep in it this time.)  But if I cant be true to me now, at this time in my life, well I might as well roll over and immediately die.

I am me. I am different.  So what?
 __________________________

Look at the traffic thats been through here! Those of us with Christmas Issues are definitely not alone. The original post has seen over 900 hits since it went up. From all over the globe. There are many people out there who feel the same way I do, or similar! And we are all forced by societal pressures to keep our mouths shut about it. And how do I feel about that? Well, none of us have enough time - on any day - to go there.
 _____________________________

But I had a response, it was just a matter of how to give it.  Ultimately I decided that sending it to the party involved would only fan the flames.  But not sending it, and remaining silent...how can I deny to myself how I think and feel?  When someone does me and/or my loved ones wrong, keeping my mouth shut feels like abuse. 

Of said reply, here are the salient points:

If you have a problem with me, you should take it up with me.
A text attack on your brother – instead of me – made you a gutless hypocrite. You are better than that.
What I wrote about was me being honest about my experience. You trained as a counsellor and couldnt read that and see someone trying to work through their issues?
I am not going to play "Who Suffered More?" with you. 
I am entitled to my feelings and my opinions. You do not have to agree with them. Nor I, yours.
I am angry with you because you attacked someone I love, and made outrageous claims.
You started this, why should your husband take the flack? Fight your own battles!
 ___________________________________

I will continue to try to work out this issue, because it is the logical thing to do.  Christmas isnt going to go away just because me and at least a thousand others want it to.  And Im not interested in talking people out of believing or celebrating what and how they want.  I just would like not to HAVE TO CONFORM to other peoples values.  They arent interested in conforming to mine!  LOL
______________________________

I did finish the Christmas shopping! 

This sort of thing gives Christianity a bad name

I assume that this TEXT MESSAGE was sent in response to my last post. Which makes me wonder why she sent it to her brother, my husband, instead of me.

Hi (name), Please do not come to christmas at our place, christmas upsets you guys so much i dont want to inflict more pain so you can keep your hate & selfishness to yourselves and allow (us) to celebrate to any extent that we need too, even if it includes 'cash & prizes'. You guys are not the only ones that have difficulties we just choose not to vomit them out on you. So now you are free of the worry, expense & having to interact with us. Not sure why you just didn't decline the invite to start with. Any reply can be made to (her husband).

In actuality, I myself did not accept the invite. In fact, there was no invite. There was a general announcement that Christmas was at their place.

My response can obviously not be sent to her. But shortly I will publish it here.

Not for her, but for me. Which is what the original post was about anyway...me trying to figure out why I feel the way I do.

Maybe I am psychic, maybe I was picking up on the true nature of this Beast we call Christmas.

I hate christmas - irrationally

Anyone else out there?

Reposting from FB AND OS...


I need to come out of my shell and just tell the truth about me.

I HATE christmas.

Nothing would suit me better than if it went the feck away and never came back.

Im tired of playing along, and I am sure I am not alone.

Im aware of hating it all year round, but when it comes close enough that plans have to be made - well - I just sort of spazz out.

Funnier still is that each year it seems to get worse....till here I am now...feeling backed in a corner and ready to bite anyone who comes near me and mentions it.

I mean, Im beyond mad about it, Im positively enraged by it.

I dont understand it myself. and I cant find a rational reason for it that is big enough to explain my way out of proportion reaction to it.

I dont want to deny my husband time with his family....but it just feels like Im betraying myself to continue to participate.

No one has to respond to this, I dont expect it and Im not inviting feedback - Im just getting it out there. Maybe others like me will appreciate the validation.

Why cant we just be good to each other and our fellow man all year round...without the need for cash and prizes?

Cat with one hundred names: #1

Priapus will sit next to his dish until I fill it to its correct level. He would rather starve to death than eat the last few kibbles left in the bottom. Also does this with his water dish.

Bad Haircut #16

Here is the picture I gave the stylist (Rachel Welch):



And what I got was (David from BBC's Psychoville):




Hmmm. You know, now that I look at those shots together like this, I can see how she got there. Still, she will be having nightmares involving curling irons for a long time to come.

Manys the time...

...I set out to post something but could not decide what to say or what photo to lead with. Everything has been unsettled around here since mid-march when The Most DH found himself made redundant at work. Oh, so much involved there - at least one hundred tirades I could launch into! But whats the point of that really? I might get it all off my chest but, whoopie doo. You know. Anyhow. One day at a time and all that rot, eh?

But hell, the homebrewed beer has been great. It gets better every week! Now we really need to get the next lot going, but the cider is not quite ready to bottle yet. And horrors! Said cider needs about five weeks in the bottle before it can be drunk - bummer!

Alternate uses for your Hi-lift Jack

The Hi Lift Jack is an important 4WD Accessory, but that shouldnt discourage you from using it in other inventive and imaginative ways.
__________________

Quite by chance I noticed a brick falling out of the bottom of our house, and pointed it out to The Most DH. After investigating we found that the South side of the house was suffering from being wet all the time. In a drought. Go figure.

So, we need to dig a drain to deal with it. The bigger, and more immediate problem was that the concrete footing the hot water heater sits on, had been undermined. The hot water heater was attempting to pull itself free from the house. Oh, no you dont, you tricksy bugger!

The Hi Lift Jack was employed to re-level and hold the hot water tank while we excavated, and poured a new footing. A great day was had by all.

No laughing matter

We had a quick tour of the Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park the other day. The weather was awful, but still we could not resist setting down to make a cup of coffee from our on-board facilities. We found a nice spot at Bobbin Head, and immediately we spotted a potential new friend.

While The Most DH got the water boiling, I introduced myself to this Laughing Kookaburra. He was in no mood for laughter as he was cold and wet, and certain that there would be no warm lizard for his lunch.

He was rather hoping we were planning on sizzling some sausages, and was a bit disgruntled to learn that there was nothing of the sort with us this trip. But still he did allow me to take plenty of photos, nice Chap!

Interesting, boring, and kinda gross

That is the interesting bit above. See, I want to experiment with infra-red photography - without doing surgery on my camera.

I could spend $60 for a filter which will give near-infra-red effects...$60 bucks!...they're dreamin'! And they want about that much for the fabled 'neutral density filter' that I would use alot more, and covet hotly.

All of which explains why the other day there was the shot with the red cellophane over the lens (just held on with a rubber band), and now today: this is a combo of red and dark blue cellophane, its getting there, dont 'cha think? Curiosity may also be a mother of invention.

All that could also constitute the 'boring' content too, depending on which way you are inclined.

Whatever.

Check out the colours of the bricks and sky - no post-processing here.

And for the gore lovers out there, heres my incision. It is nearly two inches long, keyhole surgery is for wimps! Beats me why they just steri-stripped it back together instead of tying a few stiches, (probably a cost cutting measure).

Little Wattle Bird gives us a look in

Literally! Lucky I had the camera in my hand. I had been trying to shoot other birds from the kitchen window, when I wandered into the lounge room and saw this familiar face looking in at me!


He is perched in the Calistemon, or Bottle Brush tree that hosted a swarm of bees (for two days) a while back. Also the very same tree that my Stanhopea Occulata and Encyclia Cochleata reside in.



I said "QUOCK!" and he looked straight at me and opened his beak as if to reply. But alas, the moment was lost when suddenly Priapus could take no more. The furred one launched himself upward, and abruptly made bone crunching contact with the glass.



The bird had naturally flown off. I shook my head at the crumpled mass on the floor. The blighter was already putting on a show to say "I meant that to happen.".

Nearby, Aurora flexed the claws of one paw out into the air, saying "Oh, we believe you." Then after a quick backstretch added, "Thousands wouldnt!"

______________

Im going to try to blog everyday. I have made some great strides with my giant backlog of photos, and so have lots I can use here. So fingers crossed the routine of blogging will be good for my brain.

Also, I am trying to get out of the house for a half hour during the brightest part of the day - hey, they sun has actually been out for two days running - makes a change.

Subterfuge!

Oh! So youre a pretty little housecat, just pretending to be a homeless vagabond. Living under the streets only part of your time...slumming it with the kids from the ghetto trying to represent for the opressed masses. All the while slinking home to a comfy bed and warmed tins of Royal Meow. Uh huh. We see how it is now.

Bonne Chance: About last night

"About last night, Im sorry. I shouldnt have let it get so out of hand, I dont want to give you the wrong idea, but Im just not the kind of guy who settles down - I hope you understand, and that we can still be friends."

Uh huh. Well just so we understand each other, if you were human Id have given up a long time ago. Hey, you'll be back, you know you want it!

______________

The saga continues - its a flippin' soap opera!

Persephone of the Storm Water Drains

(((Nom, nom, nom.)))




Hey, wait a sec...it feels like someone is watching me!




(((GASP!!!)))




Um, lady, Bonne Chance said I could have his leftovers.


She doesnt come everyday, and when she does, it is always at odd times. When she finished her snack, I watched her as she slunk a few houses away, and then down the storm water drain.

Leaving the ache in my heart aside for as long as I can; I found myself wondering about the personality (cat-ality?) that chooses life in the storm water drains vs the one who chooses life on the 'surface'.

Or perhaps it has less to do with the lifestyle either place offers, and more to do with taste, ie: a preference for rat, over bird. (I could go on, but its sad enough that I spend time thinking about these things, without spending an equal amount of time writing it all down.)

Anyhoo...

Indeed Bonne Chance is not at all bothered by Persephone. Which leads me to further conjecture, (of which you shall also be spared).

However, Aurora is heartbroken. Untill Persephone started showing up, Aurora was always happy to sit at the window and admire Bonne Chance. But no more. Now she is pissed. Theres only a few reasons why a 'woman' gets that mad at a 'man'.

__________________

Yesterday, I had the screen door open for some fresh air. As I passed the door around early evening, I saw Bonne Chance on the garden path, and when he saw me he walked quickly up the steps and right up to the screen door, I was so happy! I felt this was a great sign of progress, at last!

But then!! Aurora came charging down the hall hissing and spitting and hit the metal screen door at speed. BAM!!

Luckily for me, Bonne Chance only took a few steps backward and hissed a reply to her. I hope it wont cool his enthusiasm for interacting with me. I couldnt tell this morning as the poor guy was dripping with rain and therefore too grumpy to tell. Fingers crossed for dinner!

_______________

Persephone, Queen of the Underworld at Wikipedia

Bonne Chance: Feral Redemption

Just after one evening meal with Bonne Chance, I returned inside and began doing the dishes. The only good thing about doing the dishes is I can look out the kitchen window while Im at it. From there I can see a small part of the garden, where a prickly Grevillia 'Scarlet Sprite' is planted.

This shrub is very popular with the birds, and lucky me, there was a White Plumed Honeyeater hovering about it, taking nectar from the flowers, as they do.

I was enjoying the show - wondering if it would last long enough for me to get the camera, when into this visions periphery, a low slung, fast moving, blur slunk in, and came to rest beneath the shrub.

I was out there in a heartbeat, and well timed it was. The honeyeater hovered, oblivious, just a foot and a half above the head of Bonne Chance, who was in prime position to pounce upward and claim his prize.

Just as his legs began to propel him, I clapped my hands sharply three times, adding a harsh verbal "NUH-UH!" for emphasis. Instantly the honeyeater took off to parts unknown.

Bonne Chance first landed awkwardly on the spiky shrub, wriggled his way off a stout branch, and then fell to the ground. There he proceeded to walk casually back to the sunny side of the garden and made every effort to pretend he had meant the whole thing to happen just exactly the way it did.

I, however, stood still, suddenly feeling sickly concerned about the lack of Little Wattle Bird sightings of late.


Getting ahold of my thoughts, I wandered over to my furry friend and at that invisible 'three foot mark', I crouched down, intent on having a deep and meaningful conversation.

I said "Hey Mate, I know its in your nature, but could you NOT do that HERE? I mean, you cant even be hungry after that dinner...(he yawned!!!)...I know! I know! Opportunity only knocks once, but Mate, the birds are friends of mine too."

Just then, a mob of Common 'Indian' Mynas came through, prompting me to add "Except that lot - you can have all of those you want!"

And thats when it suddenly dawned on me! Well, yes, but besides my being a complete hypocrite...

~~~ THE MOST AMAZING IDEA EVER! ~~~

I will make up a set of flash cards - Birdy Flash Cards! And I will instruct Bonne Chance....work with me here for a minute...For example: show him the Rainbow Lorikeet flash card and say "NO! Not yummy!" Then show him the Common 'Indian' Mynas flashcard and say "Go for it!" while simultaneously giving him a tasty little treat!

After I have him trained, he can help me recruit other feral cats. Together we will form a mighty Army of Ferals!

We will sweep across Australia wiping out non-indigineous birds thus reducing pressures on our native bird populations!

And One Great Day, Australia will no longer deride the Feral cat! But herald them as some of our Nation's great Heroes!

Soldier on!

Regrets Dear Readers, I must send a strong soldier in my stead today. The enemy has refused to yield and I am determined to oust them. Let all of us today, kick our enemy squarely on the buttocks. Preferably, with a jeep.

So many bees...

...so little time. I see so many different types of bee in my gardens, and Id love to know who they are. Dang, I was just at the library today! Ah well, even if they have something, it wont be on the shelf where it is supposed to be.

I used to get very worked up looking for books that the computer says are there on the shelf, but arent. Now, I just reserve them online, and let the "librarians" spend all day looking for them.

That must be why they have to have a "certificate*" in "library science" before they can be hired. Is it thier credentials that help them to find books?! Even if they didnt know where to shelve them in the first place?

I have also given up correctly shelving books that I find out of order while looking for ones I am after. It seems to me that if I use my Powers for good, I get no work of my own done.

I did not mean this to turn into a library rant, but, how cathartic.

__________
* "certificate" in Australia = "diploma" elsewhere.
And yes, you must have one in order to be even a lowly Library Assistant. What a crock!

Pink and Pearls

I know you cant blame me for more shots of these, too lovely to limit! Although tommorrow we will probably move on.

I had hoped today (yesterday, actually), would have more time to write in. But when The Most DH suggested lunch at our favourite coffee house, well, who can say no to that? So off into Sydney we went.

Along the way we had some mints. They were round, very hard, and although indeed minty, they were not particularly nice. I said, "These are very irritating. This must be how oysters feel while they are making pearls."

Some time elapsed. At last the thing was small enough that I was able to crunch it up to smithereens. Where upon I added, "If oysters had teeth, there would be no pearls."

And thats all my time for today, see you tommorrow!

Purple danced with the Roses

For me, part of the allure of the grasses is the way they give another voice to the air. The sounds grasses make with a breeze, or gale. The air and the grasses sing a duet, and they dance it as well. Iam easily entranced by thier interaction, and sorely long to join them. I dont think I belong in the suburbs. I feel smothered by the people, and cut off from the spirit of the Earth. In my front yard here in the suburbs, I dont feel free to cast off my fetters and dance with the wind and the grass. I am living in the wrong time, arent I? And speaking of time, I must run again - pity, what I had to say here could have been alot more eloquent but for the want of time.

If no one is looking, go dance with the grasses!