Thursday, July 30, 2009

Lunch, and a show

After picking up and attaching the new roof cage, we set off for a leisurely tour back toward home. Nothing of any real interest happened untill we arrived in Lake Macquarie, at about lunchtime. We found the main street and set about observing which eateries the locals were visiting; which by the way, is my #1 travel tip. If the locals arent eating/drinking there, then give it a miss.

The winner for lunch was the Parkview Takeaway, the crumbed snapper was divine! (Here follows the obligatory meal shot, a first for this blog.)

We scouted about for a place near the lake where we could set down and enjoy the view with our steaming comestibles. The weather was gorgeously clear, but terribly cold, so we opted to stay in the car.

Which turned out to be a very good decision.

More next time, Ciao!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"a more authentic appearance" LOL

I took this shot for The Most DH, I think the artsy angle of the shot will make him laugh. He has been doing alot of work fitting out our Disco for future tours. He took the back passenger seats out, and filled the whole back with a sort of low set of drawers he made. In those drawers will live all and sundry recovery gear and perhaps just as importantly, the Tea and Coffee Making Facilities.

In this shot, you can see the exterior accoutrements we have recently added, via ebay. She had an alloy nudge bar on her nose originally, but we think the full steel bullbar and matching side rails are much sexier. And although a brand new one would have been nice ($1300+), a used one has a more authentic appearance ($600+/-) for our old girl.

Sometime in the last few weeks we won the auction for the roof cage. The seller was only three or so hours down (?) the coast, so we planned a day trip to go pick it up. The next few posts will feature pictorial highlights from that day.*


* That is...if I can remember that.

The last two or three days on this new med have had some promising signs. Although concentration is seriously imparied, which is why Im quitting here for today, Its been an hour an a half since I began this post! (((LOL???)))

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Screaming, Crying, Hugging, Rambling

Aurora yawns at the camera through her favourite window.

Day two of a new medication, so too early to tell you much about it. Also, I can barely communicate most of the time. Monday seems too far away for another chance to see the doctor. But what is she likely to do? Up the dose? Put me on the next horse on the carousel? I need something that will work for me, not just keep grapsing at straws. I feel this cant be 'just depression', and this new med is not an anti-depressant. One minute happy, warm and intensely amourous. Later the same day, (and for most of it), want to kill every last one of us on this rotten rock with my bare hands. Next, crying my eyes out with the horror of the things Id do if I couldnt control myself, and why oh why cant I just lie down and die already? I want to get out of my own skull and take a long vacation from being me. No, Im not going to off myself. I know in my rational mind that that is not the best answer. But in my emotional mind, nothing makes more sense. For me, it is easy to see why so many people do. But I wont. At least not for the forseeable future. I have never been more thankful to come from a long line of people who die early.


This took two hours to write.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

She's lost control again

But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed "I've lost control".
She's lost control again.

~Joy Division

Will try again tommorrow for a more comprehensive post. Seeing the doctor Thursday, for what its worth.

Monday, July 20, 2009

for mon 20th

Ive got stuff to say, but no time to say them in...heres hoping that tommorrow I will have time to fill you in. One thing though, the walks have hit the 6KM mark, and finally one kilo has departed my frame - must avoid celebrating with a chocky bikkie!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

for sun 19th

Wow, Thanks KJ!

KJ has given me a special award she created. Its her Stroke of the Brush Award. It "...recognizes and celebrates the willingness to take risks, speak honestly, act with integrity, and in the process create and share colors and/or words that stroke our curiosity and brush aside our differences."

How cool is that? Thanks KJ!

Friday, July 17, 2009

...and "hope" flowers

Things suddenly crazy busy - in a mostly good way though. Heres a pretty to look at while I finish up, see you soon!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

StanHOPEa, in bud

My Stanhopea Occulata, with buds, last March.

Last night, The Most DH left again for work - he has had to be there for fourteen hours of every day for the last ten days - he had only been gone a short while when I felt a shift in myself. At first it was just a subtle urge to go tackle a clutter pile that had eaten my office. But it grew untill I discovered it was midnight, and Id actually been feeling more like myself, and gotten so much done, including a tiny bit of creative work!

I feel almost as though I am back, and its such a relief. Even if we find that this depressive episode is not yet over, I still feel better to be out of the woods as far as that particular anti-depressant went. I am taking a punt that Ive been on the weaning off dose long enough to stop it now, see how today goes.

And since The Most DH is going to be up in a couple hours, and actually be home with me today and tommorrow, you can bet he will get me to call the doctor. Im going to put it off for as long as I can get away with it, Im really apprehensive about being medicated again. Can I just will myself to be not depressed enough to need meds...or am I being delusional about this? Who knows? Thats another thing I can talk to DH about as soon as he is awake enough.

Im off to heat up the espresso machine, he is going to need a double today. He promised to walk the new five kilometre route with me.


No luck finding cushy, springy soled sneakers yesterday. When did sport shoes get so useless? (under $300, LOLb).

Monday, July 13, 2009

hard to split these

But Ive been doing it. Im pretty sure today is day six, so another couple days and either every other day or stop completely - will see how I go on the stop day. I should call the doctor, but I dont wanna. I will try to grow up sometime this morning, but right now, Im off to find and buy some squishy sneakers. With all the walking Ive been doing, my feet are all ouchy, but I dont want to stop.

Sorry its not more riveting journalisim today folks - go have some fun away from the screen!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Outside looking in

Aurora and Priapus supervise one of my visits with Bonne Chance.

Speaking of The Outside Cat: he dissappeared for a couple days of the week before last. When he did return, we were back at square one - zero trust. I think someone had a go at trying to get him. Hoping their intentions are as honourable as mine. But I doubt it, dont you? Anyhow, Ive been trying to win him back again, although it looks like time is just about up. Spring is not far enough away. I saw Persephone last night, I hope that bloated belly is a bad case of worms, otherwise....

All my cats have developed a taste for Fussy Cat. You've got to read labels very carefully these days - its only in the small print that they tell you what kind of premium steak they have minced for you. KANGAROO!

Friday, July 10, 2009

view with polarizing filter + sunglasses

The same view as yesterday, but for this Ive held my graduated brown tinted sunglasses over the lens with polarizing filter...the glasses enhance the red end of the spectrum very nicely. Cool. Id love a neutral density filter one day, and an infra red one, but oh! while Im doing an imaginary shop - I still covet the Canon Macro Twin Lite MT-24EX Flash, and thats it, Im going to have to put the remote control on the birthday list!

This is post #490, Im almost inspired to make it to 500. Will the apathy get in the way? Stay tuned.

Today it is better to babble senselessly, than to attempt meaninful communication. Iam off for my 4 kilometre walk now - get outside and loose your fetters Folks!

First, a view with polarizing filter

Parking lot, Canberra, autumn 2009.

"And what is an authentic madman? It is a man who preferred to become mad, in the socially accepted sense of the word, rather than forfeit a certain superior idea of human honor. So society has strangled in its asylums all those it wanted to get rid of or protect itself from, because they refused to become its accomplices in certain great nastinesses. For a madman is also a man whom society did not want to hear and whom it wanted to prevent from uttering certain intolerable truths."

~Antonin Artaud

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Russian Roulette with Meds

WIGGING OUT BIG TIME, seriously considering calling The Most DH home from work. In meantime, taking Melanies advice and halving a capsule (what a pain in the arse!) By the way Melanie, Im having that problem again with getting to your site, just FYI It will probally resolve itself again soon, Meow!

The Lumberjack's first day

I feel like this tree looks. Ive decided to stop this stupid anti-depressant. Since these capsules cant be split, I am going to only take it on alternate days for the next few days and see how I go. Fingers crossed. More later.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Cant seem to face up to the facts

"...tense and nervous, and I cant relax.
Cant sleep, beds on fire.
Dont touch me, Ive a real live wire."

Psycho Killer, Talking Heads


Mexican Bush Sage, Salvia Leucantha. A furry flowered favourite.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Now I cant hover, either.

Exotic nectar: free for the taking, if you have the right equipment and know-how. More info on the plant in my next installment.

Lets face it, this new antidepressant is a dud. Not only does it render me damn near useless, but Im still having dark thoughts AND now I find Ive gained 2 kilos! (4.5 pounds) Now I wish Id shared how well Id been doing with my weight loss goal, cause you might not think that 2 kilos is enough to worry about. Just take my word for it - weight gain is NOT acceptable. I do not need another reason to be depressed. LOLb

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

On the Singing Perch

Sporting his best and struting his stuff, this Fellow spends a good part of each day on this branch of our Knife Wattle (Acacia Cultriformis). With all the singing he does, I wonder if he is claiming possession of the area. 'Tis his for only so long as the Little Wattle Birds are not around.

Or perhaps he is looking for love. Spring is not too far off, and indeed, today the weather is very spring like. Enjoy it while it lasts!

My head cold is clearing, hooray! There is a slight increase in the number of things I can manage to do each day. But only slight. Im afraid the new antidepressant really is making sitting and staring - and eating! - about the only priorities in my life. Not cool! But will stay on the 30 day trial, only 13 days remain.

Each day I feed cats/birds/husband, keep fire burning for warmth, do dishes and a minimum of one housework item (only to avoid guilt), and if its been a really good day - I blog.*

Thats not me, and although Iam trying to keep an open mind about the new med, I just dont see how being on it for two more weeks is going to make it magically right for me....heres hoping I get proved wrong...

...and that I will be able to accomplish all that I am meant to do tommorrow. Probably wont blog tommorrow - unless Im not somewhere Im supposed to be!

* I should add, that I also look at my to-do list, and have frequent. brief conversations with myself about how I should or could do such and such. But somehow, I can not manage to get up, or if I have gotten up, cant seem to stay focused on the task till its done. ITS SO WIERD!