Spring Blooms & Hope Springs

Life has been toying with us lately. Not with a sense of fun and adventure, but more like a barn cat with the last mouse of the night. Tossing us away only to catch us up over and over again, all claws and teeth but no merciful kill. There is no malice in it, but it is indeed hard not to feel so.

And yet still - I hope! Despite thinking it foolish to do so! Hope must be one of those things that humans "cant not" do.

We are due a win, and look forward to it.
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Native rock orchid with Johnny Jump ups, in the neglected back garden yesterday.

Caught in a passing sunbeam

Short grey days. When the sun peeks out from behind the clouds,
run outside and soak it up.

Subterfuge!

Oh! So youre a pretty little housecat, just pretending to be a homeless vagabond. Living under the streets only part of your time...slumming it with the kids from the ghetto trying to represent for the opressed masses. All the while slinking home to a comfy bed and warmed tins of Royal Meow. Uh huh. We see how it is now.

Persephone of the Storm Water Drains

(((Nom, nom, nom.)))




Hey, wait a sec...it feels like someone is watching me!




(((GASP!!!)))




Um, lady, Bonne Chance said I could have his leftovers.


She doesnt come everyday, and when she does, it is always at odd times. When she finished her snack, I watched her as she slunk a few houses away, and then down the storm water drain.

Leaving the ache in my heart aside for as long as I can; I found myself wondering about the personality (cat-ality?) that chooses life in the storm water drains vs the one who chooses life on the 'surface'.

Or perhaps it has less to do with the lifestyle either place offers, and more to do with taste, ie: a preference for rat, over bird. (I could go on, but its sad enough that I spend time thinking about these things, without spending an equal amount of time writing it all down.)

Anyhoo...

Indeed Bonne Chance is not at all bothered by Persephone. Which leads me to further conjecture, (of which you shall also be spared).

However, Aurora is heartbroken. Untill Persephone started showing up, Aurora was always happy to sit at the window and admire Bonne Chance. But no more. Now she is pissed. Theres only a few reasons why a 'woman' gets that mad at a 'man'.

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Yesterday, I had the screen door open for some fresh air. As I passed the door around early evening, I saw Bonne Chance on the garden path, and when he saw me he walked quickly up the steps and right up to the screen door, I was so happy! I felt this was a great sign of progress, at last!

But then!! Aurora came charging down the hall hissing and spitting and hit the metal screen door at speed. BAM!!

Luckily for me, Bonne Chance only took a few steps backward and hissed a reply to her. I hope it wont cool his enthusiasm for interacting with me. I couldnt tell this morning as the poor guy was dripping with rain and therefore too grumpy to tell. Fingers crossed for dinner!

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Persephone, Queen of the Underworld at Wikipedia

Bonne Chance: The Hangman Waits

By the end of April, when he sees me at mealtimes, he will often get up and start walking toward me! Hissing the whole way, but walking toward me! Although he continues to stop just out of arms reach. Still, a 'win' is a 'win', no matter how small.

I dish up the goodies, take one step back from the bowl and then invite him to help himself. Always he sniffs the air and shifts his weight from side to side for anywhere up to two minutes. But eventually he decides that he is hungry enough to come closer.

While he is eating I can get close enough to touch him, although I havent yet done so. I tap the edge of the bowl to get him to notice how close my hand is, hoping he will eventually realize that I will not harm him. I am going to wait for a sign from him that he is willing to be touched. Im certain that if I try it before that, it will be more of a setback than a step ahead.

However once he has finished his meal, he retreats to the 'three foot mark', and all bets are off again.



Ive been rolling all this over in my mind for months now, trying to find more possible solutions. He is feral. If I bring him in, he will be put down, and Im not comfortable with that. Who am I do decide who lives or dies? Hell, at this point in time I cant even figure out what to cook for dinner tonight...and he is not without some happiness. Certinally the bit of looking after he gets from me is of some comfort to him.

But Im not sure that I will actually be able to 'socialize' him enough to have him spared, and I know that bringing him inside with my two would be a mammoth disaster. In so many ways.

Mind you, if he turns up here sick beyond what I can help with (not much when you cant touch) - or gravely injured - then I will not hesitate to capture him by whatever means. I will not watch him suffer beyond what he is used to. If such should come to pass, I reserve the right to cry my eyes out afterward for as long as I want.

Ive set up a few boxes out of the weather for him to shelter in, although so far he seems to overnight in a 'dead car' in a neighbors yard. Fair enough Mate, but youve got options. Winter is not officially here yet, so he may find accommodation on my side of the street just a few stars higher come the wind and rain.

But whatever is to be done, it begs for doing before the breeding season in spring. I might be a crazy cat lady, but I refuse to be a totally irresponsible one.

Wish us luck.

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We will catch up again with Bonne Chance as events develop, Cheers!

Bonne Chance: Feral Redemption

Just after one evening meal with Bonne Chance, I returned inside and began doing the dishes. The only good thing about doing the dishes is I can look out the kitchen window while Im at it. From there I can see a small part of the garden, where a prickly Grevillia 'Scarlet Sprite' is planted.

This shrub is very popular with the birds, and lucky me, there was a White Plumed Honeyeater hovering about it, taking nectar from the flowers, as they do.

I was enjoying the show - wondering if it would last long enough for me to get the camera, when into this visions periphery, a low slung, fast moving, blur slunk in, and came to rest beneath the shrub.

I was out there in a heartbeat, and well timed it was. The honeyeater hovered, oblivious, just a foot and a half above the head of Bonne Chance, who was in prime position to pounce upward and claim his prize.

Just as his legs began to propel him, I clapped my hands sharply three times, adding a harsh verbal "NUH-UH!" for emphasis. Instantly the honeyeater took off to parts unknown.

Bonne Chance first landed awkwardly on the spiky shrub, wriggled his way off a stout branch, and then fell to the ground. There he proceeded to walk casually back to the sunny side of the garden and made every effort to pretend he had meant the whole thing to happen just exactly the way it did.

I, however, stood still, suddenly feeling sickly concerned about the lack of Little Wattle Bird sightings of late.


Getting ahold of my thoughts, I wandered over to my furry friend and at that invisible 'three foot mark', I crouched down, intent on having a deep and meaningful conversation.

I said "Hey Mate, I know its in your nature, but could you NOT do that HERE? I mean, you cant even be hungry after that dinner...(he yawned!!!)...I know! I know! Opportunity only knocks once, but Mate, the birds are friends of mine too."

Just then, a mob of Common 'Indian' Mynas came through, prompting me to add "Except that lot - you can have all of those you want!"

And thats when it suddenly dawned on me! Well, yes, but besides my being a complete hypocrite...

~~~ THE MOST AMAZING IDEA EVER! ~~~

I will make up a set of flash cards - Birdy Flash Cards! And I will instruct Bonne Chance....work with me here for a minute...For example: show him the Rainbow Lorikeet flash card and say "NO! Not yummy!" Then show him the Common 'Indian' Mynas flashcard and say "Go for it!" while simultaneously giving him a tasty little treat!

After I have him trained, he can help me recruit other feral cats. Together we will form a mighty Army of Ferals!

We will sweep across Australia wiping out non-indigineous birds thus reducing pressures on our native bird populations!

And One Great Day, Australia will no longer deride the Feral cat! But herald them as some of our Nation's great Heroes!

Bonne Chance: Homeless Freedom

I think what brings cats into my garden is, firstly, an absence of dogs. Followed closely by an abundance of birds. Add a drought sparse shrubbery and any cat can find a perfect spot to either bake in or escape the sun...and if one is really lucky, lunch will just land beside you! Gotta love the service in a place like that.



By the end of March, as you can see, he is comfortable with me being around him. Although that only lasts untill about the three foot mark - then he will retreat. To the three foot mark. Must just be his personal space requirement.



He will allow me to sit with him while he eats. I talk softly to him in an attempt to gain more trust. One day I asked him "When are you going to let me pet you? Ive got to get you socialized so you can have chance at a real home." While licking his whiskers, he looked up momentarily, I had the impression he was doing the cat equivalent of rolling his eyes.

Pressing the issue I continued, saying "Look, I know what its like out on the streets. It was a long time ago, but I remember like yesterday! The never being at ease, danger everywhere, long, long, neverending nights, sleeping in the day when its safer - and winter! How cold is winter? Dont you want to come in from the cold?"

He may have stuck his nose deeper into his dish, but he continued eating, and then I remembered something about my street days.

Under my breath I said "Of course, there is a sort of...freedom."

And I kid you not. He raised his head. He looked me right in the eye.

I felt his answer.

"Exactly!"



And as he walked away up the path, I realized why I care so much for this feral cat. We are kindred spirits in our way. Both a bit too damaged to ever really come in from the cold. Both doing our best living on the fringe of 'society', consumed entirely with the business of just getting through each day.

Bonne Chance: Two to Tango

I have never had an animal so wholeheartedly refuse me. He would arrive in the early evening, and give me a look of utter disdain. I would present my offerings - dry and tinned foods with fresh water - and retreat inside the house. Only then would he gorge himself. After, he would have a bath, a bit of a nap in the sun, then again disappear untill the following evening.

We are still engaged in the long slow dance toward what will be

It took six long weeks of these slow, careful steps till I had earned enough trust to sit within three feet of him while he eats. It was on one such occasion that I snapped this picture of him. He was so curious about the sounds coming from the camera, that he let his guard down. It was the first time I got to see his face without a malevolent expression.



Since then we began to find him in the garden on random mornings, and I have taken to giving him a nice breakfast if I find him there. We have a strange schedule in our house, so if Iam unable to check for him before 10am, he is never here. We hope he has another appointment with another crazy cat person somewhere nearby. Yet other days, he spends the whole day in my garden.

Some mornings after his breakfast we see him up the top of the street heading around the corner. On those days he is never back for dinner. Trying to follow him has been fruitless.

Bonne Chance: Dead Cat Walking

Last October I talked about the five stray cats I was looking after . One was found to be a malingering housecat. A deep and meaningful conversation with his owner solved that one. Another just disappeared, which is a heartbreaker, everytime. The remaining three, two of them pregnant, were brought to our local animal shelter. None of them had micro-chip ID's.

At the shelter, I learned that their first test would be an observation of temperment. The rep explained that the 'socialized' cats would all hang out together in one group, and the 'ferals' in another. I thought that was an interesting, but un-scientific test. But given what I know about the behaviour of cats, I would agree its as good a start as any.

If they found that the surrendered cats were 'socialized', they would be health checked, and if passing there, they would have a chance at being re-homed. As I had been 'socializing' with each of these three, I had no worries that I was doing the right thing.

Surrendered cats found to be 'feral' are euthanized within days.

In early January, Bonne Chance arrived.

He is definately feral.

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As usual Folks...to be continued.
Photo taken, surreptitiously, through the lounge room window last January.

Love and Chemical Warfare

As I have let several cats out of bags lately...well, two cats anyway...Im feeling inclined to explain (defend?) a thing or two.

~~~
THE FIRST CAT is that I plan to share more about my experience with depression. However, I continue getting very strong urges to blog more informative or educational posts on the subject in general. Egads!

I do not understand where such an idea even comes from! After all, do I need the pressure of writing "The definitive article on Depressive Mental Illnesses of the Early 21st Century"?

Indeed, not!

Is it then, merely part of my nature to explain (in more detail than anyone less meticulous could desire) as much as I crave to understand (in an encyclopedic sense) everything I encounter?

Its exhausting. Now, add the classic depressive symptom of being entirely unable to make a decision - and Wha La! The brain strips its gears, overheating its millions of neural synapses before melting down into some sort of soft cheese, then, finally, oozeing away out of either ear.

~~~
THE SECOND CAT is that The Most DH is a prize, for which Iam grateful every day. It took us a very long time to find each other.

Having had bad luck in love and marriage previously, and knowing so many people in relationships that so often are fraught with heartache, I often feel I should hide how much we are two halves of one whole.

Beyond having compassion for others, previously described, I do not understand why I feel I should hide that we are happy. But will ponder that another time.

What I most wanted to say here today about love is, it makes you want to be a better person. I want to beat my depression because I do not want to bring him down - although some times I truly cant help it (Chemical Warfare), I will not give up trying (Love)!

When I was single and had a depressed episode, I thought that being truly loved would solve it. When I was with someone and depressed, the crap relationships they were bore the blame easily. Now that I am truly well loved, I have to accept that the problem is entirely within my physical self, and that is some scary shit.
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Gustav Klimt, The Kiss, 1907

Voice of the (Bunya) Nut

It had been sitting in a shady spot on the concrete porch landing. Now at the end of January, it was completely dried out, and very much lighter.

As I pick it up, a number of cockroaches run out. A disgusted, but alarm tinged "UGH!" escapes me. No doubt the roaches made similar exclamations, as I turf them out of thier beautiful home with flicking fingers.

Now at my leisure to study it, this orb of a nut felt brittle.

Then as I turned it over in my hands it made a sound!

A papery, urgent whisper...

"Drop me on the earth!"

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We had thought we might try eating some of the seeds, but after my close encounter with its former residents, the roaches, No Thank you!
But we will attempt to germinate them as per the original plan.

Catnip, Nepeta cataria

Catnip (Nepeta cataria) has terribly interesting flowers to top its furry leaves and square stems. I had a big session with catnip flowers one day with the Macro lens, so I will find a close up of them for tommorrows post.

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It is 415pm Saturday evening as I write this. Its been a long grey day with plenty of welcome rain. As I look out the window, I notice the lawn is sending green shoots up. Im afraid The Most DH will have to mow that later this week.

Oh but so cold! I had to dig out my trusty sweatsuit and ugg boots first thing this morning. Ive actually brought in wood to have a fire tonight, this has been one crazy summer, weatherwise.

Not normally a summer dinner dish, but tonight Im making Chilli.

This is so dreadfully mundane, its stultifying. Perhaps Id best leave it till tommorrow? See you then.

Lavender on Valentine's

Ah, its Valentines day, isnt it? You know, Ive never been a big fan of it. Reasons varied over time. Many years I was in relationship(s) involving little sincere affection, and other years Id just happen to find myself single each February 14th. Im sure many of you have been there, done that and bought the T-shirt.

Oh! Blah! Blah! Blah! You all know Im quite cynical when it comes to Popular Culture and Social Norms, its just the way I am!

Which is not to say, that IF The Most DH arrived home from work with flowers or chocolate, that I would be cross with him. Au contraire, mon Écouter!

But there is always chocolate in our pantry, and the flowers in our garden smell sweeter than any florist's.

Nothing out of the ordinary needs be done today, since we love each other so well every day. We make it a point to, as it took us such a very long time to find one another.

We hope you find yours too. There really is someone for everyone out there. Be good to yourself!

Gigs, Glaciers, Hostages, Fiction!

Well there has been no time to see to the computer's creaking joints as yet.

As a matter of no interest to you whatsoever: on Feb lst I had 9.75 GB of photo data yet to be reviewed (culled). With files coming in and a few managing to be reviewed, as at Feb 10th I have that down to 8.32 GB. When I have finished reviewing all the files to date, then they are archived on two separate backup devices.

So officially speaking, glaciers retreat faster than I can process my photowork. Now thats a joke that was ALOT funnier before Global Warming began to get so much press.

(Here I went on for several paragraphs about how given the slightest provocation, I pick up the camera and run off to shoot. As opposed to sitting here and deciding which shots I will keep or delete. Are you sitting tensely on the edge of your seat, holding your breath, feeling your heart race, rapt in the deepest fascination you have ever experienced? Oh well, sorry! I deleted that bit already.)

Anyhow, another day abbreviated by a doctor. This time The Most DH played the part of the patient, and I the attentive spouse. Makes a change, I can tell you!

An MRI of the knee, after an Xray of the head (to check they really did get all the metal out of that eye from a shed building fiasco some years ago). Now, funny, you have to wait several days for the results - it used to be a few hours - now you must call back in a few days and see if they really are ready...THEN we can return to the specialist....well, really! I had better leave it there before I get started about Public Health (and no, I dont think Private is any better - but enough!)

I only bring it up as being captive in the waiting room allowed me some time to read a book! Yes, time to read a book! And the other amazing and unusual thing about this occurrence is, I brought fiction! FICTION! I hardly ever read fiction anymore. It was a lovely treat.

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Not content to just shoot things, lately I cant help but scan them as well. You will recognize the fronds from previous posts. Here one is newly bloomed - still regally purple, while the other has been transformed to the colour of wheat with age and the sun.

So, anyway. About Bees...

Before I found myself in Bitter-rant Land yesterday, I was considering with some esteem, our friends, The Bees.

I also expressed a sincere longing for a deeper understanding of them, their families, their classifications, their plant and social preferences etc etc, just before plunging into a desultory despair of disquietude re: my lacking omnipotency.


Anyhow, here is what I know:
The rose's leaves have been carved by a Leaf Cutter Bee. This bee could be considered either a vandal, or an artist. The leaf discs will be used in her brooding nest. The Leaf Cutter Bee belongs to the genus Megachile.


Here is what I do not know:
Is she solitary? What does she look like? Does only the female cut the leaves? What would her brood nest look like? Where is it likely to be? Do they have a sting? Why can I never catch them in action carving up the leaves? Would I mistake her for one of the super fast Blue Banded Bees, who often escape the camera's gaze?

One day when my molecules have rejoined the cosmos, perhaps then I will know it all.

So many bees...

...so little time. I see so many different types of bee in my gardens, and Id love to know who they are. Dang, I was just at the library today! Ah well, even if they have something, it wont be on the shelf where it is supposed to be.

I used to get very worked up looking for books that the computer says are there on the shelf, but arent. Now, I just reserve them online, and let the "librarians" spend all day looking for them.

That must be why they have to have a "certificate*" in "library science" before they can be hired. Is it thier credentials that help them to find books?! Even if they didnt know where to shelve them in the first place?

I have also given up correctly shelving books that I find out of order while looking for ones I am after. It seems to me that if I use my Powers for good, I get no work of my own done.

I did not mean this to turn into a library rant, but, how cathartic.

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* "certificate" in Australia = "diploma" elsewhere.
And yes, you must have one in order to be even a lowly Library Assistant. What a crock!

Feb 8th

Last week south of Sydney they had a heat wave, today it arrived here. Have the physical strength of melted wax. Spent the day languidly moving from task to task. Several times I donned a minimum amount of clothing to venture outside and mist the budgies. Immediately stripping off again once inside.

Survival is the name of the game today, I wonder how long we are in for.

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I do not know the name of this lovely rose, I bought it bare rooted and labelled 'Iceberg', which clearly, it is not. Ah well, shes pretty nonetheless.

Pink and Pearls

I know you cant blame me for more shots of these, too lovely to limit! Although tommorrow we will probably move on.

I had hoped today (yesterday, actually), would have more time to write in. But when The Most DH suggested lunch at our favourite coffee house, well, who can say no to that? So off into Sydney we went.

Along the way we had some mints. They were round, very hard, and although indeed minty, they were not particularly nice. I said, "These are very irritating. This must be how oysters feel while they are making pearls."

Some time elapsed. At last the thing was small enough that I was able to crunch it up to smithereens. Where upon I added, "If oysters had teeth, there would be no pearls."

And thats all my time for today, see you tommorrow!

Purple danced with the Roses

For me, part of the allure of the grasses is the way they give another voice to the air. The sounds grasses make with a breeze, or gale. The air and the grasses sing a duet, and they dance it as well. Iam easily entranced by thier interaction, and sorely long to join them. I dont think I belong in the suburbs. I feel smothered by the people, and cut off from the spirit of the Earth. In my front yard here in the suburbs, I dont feel free to cast off my fetters and dance with the wind and the grass. I am living in the wrong time, arent I? And speaking of time, I must run again - pity, what I had to say here could have been alot more eloquent but for the want of time.

If no one is looking, go dance with the grasses!

Pennisetum Advena Rubrum, Purple Fountain Grass

Purple Fountain Grass, Pennisetum Advena Rubrum. A fabulous specimen, and the plant that made official my love affair with grasses. I had managed to acquire a much longed for Miscanthus Zebrina last year, but its been rather dissappointing. I paid $26 for said Zebrina, and only $16 for the Purple Fountain. Get the Purple!

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Things have been so busy lately that, when I go out in the morning, Ive been meeting myself coming back. Today I have a couple hours I can spend with the computer, although they are not all strung together. So I am attempting to post via the Installment Method, a sentence here and half a paragraph there - as time and brain cells allow.

Therefore, although there may be content here, it may best suit those with short attention spans. If you find yourself confused....Oh look! A possum!

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Iam still at a loss as to what to blog about. Still have the question looming in my mind about where I am going with all of this, but Thanks to you, I no longer wonder if there is any value in doing as I have done. (MWAH!) Thats been a gift to me. Id much rather entertain than well, bore, I suppose.

So, we might have a bit of a catch up in the garden photo-wise, but while I do that I may try to write more. Or I may not. Its very hard to say right now, what with the whole spinning around chasing my tail thing shortening my attention span. (Possums?)

There are literally hundreds of shots backlogged for culling and cropping and sorting - Oh My! I will have to either stop shooting (GASP!) or get on with the rather more tedious business of housekeeping (GROAN!) ...

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At that last ellipsis moment, as I was staring at 544 shots of Honey on a Plate in the Sun, The Most DH suggested we go for a ride. It took precisely one milliseconds consideration. "I will cancel my 3 o'clock." Soon we were off.

I brought along the camera of course, but we didnt go anywhere exciting or new or see sights that merited leaving the air conditioned Rover - except one.

I am working on two different series of photos behind this blog. They are more social commentary than fine art. Well, I guess that depends on what one considers - either, really. I only mention this as the shot I did get today makes an official start to the second series. Which is exciting for me, to come out of the conception phase and into the actual work.

So, garden shots! Here is a lovely, fresh shot of my Purple Fountain Grass. Shot from below to emphasize that glorious golden summer morning sun, before it got too hot to bear being outside. I love the lens flare I got from the angle, although it is hard to see at this size.

Enjoy your day! If you are in the Northern Hemisphere, I wish you warmth! For the Southern, cool!