I still hate Christmas, but Iam prepared to ignore it a little longer

Will not be silent.

Dear Mother in Law - If you are reading today, I hope you will click away and skip this one. Be free of this. It will all work out in the end. xxx
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I had not a chance to respond to the text message attack. My life is very whirlwind right now, and when there is a hour or so to pursue "recreational interests", I frankly find myself collapsing instead.

I knew an apology would be forthcoming. How could it not? We had all been asked to attend this Christmas by Father in Law, as a special favour to him. He has had a rather bad year this year. (Mammoth understatment.)  And it aint over yet.

An apology came. Iam only going to talk about how I felt reading it. I was glad she apologized to my Husband.

But, I - by which I mean me, myself, personally - I do not accept apologies for harm deliberately inflicted.

If you read the message in question, you can see that it was meant to sting.  I dont think it was an "outburst".

By apologizing, she may just have been saying what she thinks she is required to say by family or society, (and being genuine has nothing to do with that!), but if so, more power to her. Because I cant bring myself to play that game anymore. (Which is how Ive landed knee-deep in it this time.)  But if I cant be true to me now, at this time in my life, well I might as well roll over and immediately die.

I am me. I am different.  So what?
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Look at the traffic thats been through here! Those of us with Christmas Issues are definitely not alone. The original post has seen over 900 hits since it went up. From all over the globe. There are many people out there who feel the same way I do, or similar! And we are all forced by societal pressures to keep our mouths shut about it. And how do I feel about that? Well, none of us have enough time - on any day - to go there.
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But I had a response, it was just a matter of how to give it.  Ultimately I decided that sending it to the party involved would only fan the flames.  But not sending it, and remaining silent...how can I deny to myself how I think and feel?  When someone does me and/or my loved ones wrong, keeping my mouth shut feels like abuse. 

Of said reply, here are the salient points:

If you have a problem with me, you should take it up with me.
A text attack on your brother – instead of me – made you a gutless hypocrite. You are better than that.
What I wrote about was me being honest about my experience. You trained as a counsellor and couldnt read that and see someone trying to work through their issues?
I am not going to play "Who Suffered More?" with you. 
I am entitled to my feelings and my opinions. You do not have to agree with them. Nor I, yours.
I am angry with you because you attacked someone I love, and made outrageous claims.
You started this, why should your husband take the flack? Fight your own battles!
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I will continue to try to work out this issue, because it is the logical thing to do.  Christmas isnt going to go away just because me and at least a thousand others want it to.  And Im not interested in talking people out of believing or celebrating what and how they want.  I just would like not to HAVE TO CONFORM to other peoples values.  They arent interested in conforming to mine!  LOL
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I did finish the Christmas shopping! 

This sort of thing gives Christianity a bad name

I assume that this TEXT MESSAGE was sent in response to my last post. Which makes me wonder why she sent it to her brother, my husband, instead of me.

Hi (name), Please do not come to christmas at our place, christmas upsets you guys so much i dont want to inflict more pain so you can keep your hate & selfishness to yourselves and allow (us) to celebrate to any extent that we need too, even if it includes 'cash & prizes'. You guys are not the only ones that have difficulties we just choose not to vomit them out on you. So now you are free of the worry, expense & having to interact with us. Not sure why you just didn't decline the invite to start with. Any reply can be made to (her husband).

In actuality, I myself did not accept the invite. In fact, there was no invite. There was a general announcement that Christmas was at their place.

My response can obviously not be sent to her. But shortly I will publish it here.

Not for her, but for me. Which is what the original post was about anyway...me trying to figure out why I feel the way I do.

Maybe I am psychic, maybe I was picking up on the true nature of this Beast we call Christmas.

But, Id wanted to blog this 'weekend'...

The last day of the week that I work outside of the home is Thursday. I suppose it is natural that everyone there at "Passive Agressive Playschool" thinks that I am off to wallow around in luxurious leisure for the next four days.

Ha!

But anyway, Ive reached the point of exhaustion and so, this is the most blogging I can manage - Sorry Charlie! Only the best tasting tuna gets to be Starkist.

No one here in Oz is going to get that morsel of punchiness...sigh...Im off to savour one of our own ginger beers now, and if I pass out without making dinner, so be it! LOL

Spring Blooms & Hope Springs

Life has been toying with us lately. Not with a sense of fun and adventure, but more like a barn cat with the last mouse of the night. Tossing us away only to catch us up over and over again, all claws and teeth but no merciful kill. There is no malice in it, but it is indeed hard not to feel so.

And yet still - I hope! Despite thinking it foolish to do so! Hope must be one of those things that humans "cant not" do.

We are due a win, and look forward to it.
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Native rock orchid with Johnny Jump ups, in the neglected back garden yesterday.

Now I cant hover, either.

Exotic nectar: free for the taking, if you have the right equipment and know-how. More info on the plant in my next installment.
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Lets face it, this new antidepressant is a dud. Not only does it render me damn near useless, but Im still having dark thoughts AND now I find Ive gained 2 kilos! (4.5 pounds) Now I wish Id shared how well Id been doing with my weight loss goal, cause you might not think that 2 kilos is enough to worry about. Just take my word for it - weight gain is NOT acceptable. I do not need another reason to be depressed. LOLb

mistletoe and depression, both parasitic

Birds enjoy eating the fruit of the mistletoe plant. These fruits contain the mistletoe's seed encased in very sticky flesh. Once a bird has had at it, the seed can take one of two routes.

If ingested by the bird, the seed will pass through undigested and emerge still coated with its sticky outer covering. If the mistletoe is very lucky, the unctuous mass will land on the branch of a host tree.

Alternately: a bird finishes his messy snack, and stops to strop his sticky beak across a branch, leaving the seeds pasted in place.

Either way, there the seed begins its business, anchoring itself to its new host, over time forming a graft like the one pictured below.



This particular mistletoe's leaf greatly resembles the gum (eucalypt) tree it was residing in. We might have let it be, except that it had grown low enough to block the view of traffic when exiting our driveway, so... bummer.

Although Im sure the gum tree doesnt mind.



I want to make a joke about how mistletoe can be like depression, something along the lines of:

A little crap falls on you, and SNAP! Youve got psychic parasites!
Obviously the joke needs more work, still, Im sure you get my point. Be good to yourselves till next post!

So many bees...

...so little time. I see so many different types of bee in my gardens, and Id love to know who they are. Dang, I was just at the library today! Ah well, even if they have something, it wont be on the shelf where it is supposed to be.

I used to get very worked up looking for books that the computer says are there on the shelf, but arent. Now, I just reserve them online, and let the "librarians" spend all day looking for them.

That must be why they have to have a "certificate*" in "library science" before they can be hired. Is it thier credentials that help them to find books?! Even if they didnt know where to shelve them in the first place?

I have also given up correctly shelving books that I find out of order while looking for ones I am after. It seems to me that if I use my Powers for good, I get no work of my own done.

I did not mean this to turn into a library rant, but, how cathartic.

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* "certificate" in Australia = "diploma" elsewhere.
And yes, you must have one in order to be even a lowly Library Assistant. What a crock!

Spying more splendour, through the grass

Now looking through fronds of the Purple Fountain Grass, we spy a jerry-built bird bath, and our next mark.
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Today is the day for the surgery I mentioned here (#12), so I may well be seeing the world as through a veil today. Anaesthetic and I have a complicated relationship. If you dont hear from me tommorrow, dont worry.....no wait. Its a public hospital...Okay, well, dont worry unless Im gone a really long time. But seriously, I should be fine and surfing the net nearly as soon as I am discharged. See you there!