Monday, December 10, 2012

Will not be silent.

Dear Mother in Law - If you are reading today, I hope you will click away and skip this one. Be free of this. It will all work out in the end. xxx

I had not a chance to respond to the text message attack. My life is very whirlwind right now, and when there is a hour or so to pursue "recreational interests", I frankly find myself collapsing instead.

I knew an apology would be forthcoming. How could it not? We had all been asked to attend this Christmas by Father in Law, as a special favour to him. He has had a rather bad year this year. (Mammoth understatment.)  And it aint over yet.

An apology came. Iam only going to talk about how I felt reading it. I was glad she apologized to my Husband.

But, I - by which I mean me, myself, personally - I do not accept apologies for harm deliberately inflicted.

If you read the message in question, you can see that it was meant to sting.  I dont think it was an "outburst".

By apologizing, she may just have been saying what she thinks she is required to say by family or society, (and being genuine has nothing to do with that!), but if so, more power to her. Because I cant bring myself to play that game anymore. (Which is how Ive landed knee-deep in it this time.)  But if I cant be true to me now, at this time in my life, well I might as well roll over and immediately die.

I am me. I am different.  So what?

Look at the traffic thats been through here! Those of us with Christmas Issues are definitely not alone. The original post has seen over 900 hits since it went up. From all over the globe. There are many people out there who feel the same way I do, or similar! And we are all forced by societal pressures to keep our mouths shut about it. And how do I feel about that? Well, none of us have enough time - on any day - to go there.

But I had a response, it was just a matter of how to give it.  Ultimately I decided that sending it to the party involved would only fan the flames.  But not sending it, and remaining can I deny to myself how I think and feel?  When someone does me and/or my loved ones wrong, keeping my mouth shut feels like abuse. 

Of said reply, here are the salient points:

If you have a problem with me, you should take it up with me.
A text attack on your brother – instead of me – made you a gutless hypocrite. You are better than that.
What I wrote about was me being honest about my experience. You trained as a counsellor and couldnt read that and see someone trying to work through their issues?
I am not going to play "Who Suffered More?" with you. 
I am entitled to my feelings and my opinions. You do not have to agree with them. Nor I, yours.
I am angry with you because you attacked someone I love, and made outrageous claims.
You started this, why should your husband take the flack? Fight your own battles!

I will continue to try to work out this issue, because it is the logical thing to do.  Christmas isnt going to go away just because me and at least a thousand others want it to.  And Im not interested in talking people out of believing or celebrating what and how they want.  I just would like not to HAVE TO CONFORM to other peoples values.  They arent interested in conforming to mine!  LOL

I did finish the Christmas shopping! 


Young Werther said...

Good for you! Play that Helen Reddy song on full volume ...I am woman, hear me roar!

Going away for Christmas this year, up to Mount Victoria, away from humanity and civilisation! :)

Lavender said...

LOL, Thanks Mate!

Away from humanity and civilisation? Im so JEALOUS!!!!!!

Im still looking for that idea cave to move into LOL

Lavender said...

ideal cave...idea cave....possibly the same thing........(blush)

BetteJo said...

I am one of those that LOVES Christmas. But it does seem to bring up emotions and situations that don't occur any other time of year.

You get to feel the way you do and no one else gets to dispute your feelings, nor does anyone get to grant you permission to feel the way you do either. Feelings just are. I'm just sad about the rift that is hurting all of you.

Please be good to yourself - take care Lavender!

Lavender said...

Thanks BetteJo, I appreciate your thoughts and your validation that feelings are feelings - not facts, right?
I hope you have a lovely christmasy season....and we could all use a GOOD new year :)